In spite of recent events in my life, I will try to be encouraging.
But first, a rant is necessary. If you aren't interested in it - skip over it and read the happy parts. Haha.
This week has been extremely difficult. My poor son got an upper respiratory infection and I was home with him for 2 days. Though I loved being home with him, I wish it was under different circumstances. I also started a class on Tuesday night, which I am actually very interested in, but it's going to make Tuesdays overwhelming for the next 8 weeks AND I have to miss GLEE. I was able to get over these things, but the next part of my rant explains why I've been really down. I started this job that is basically sitting at a desk waiting for the phone to ring for 8 hours a day; I am not learning any new skills for my future nor am I enjoying the work atmosphere because I just don't understand why grown adults cannot admit to their mistakes - we ALL make mistakes, just admit it and move on and try to fix it in the future. Now, I was willing to overlook these things because I was told when I was hired that there was no way I'd be able to work from home full time, but that after a couple of months, I would get a review (what review?) and we would talk about the possibility of me working from home one or two days. So, I asked if we could start this trial period of me working from home on Tuesdays during the 8 weeks that I have my classes and was told that I was needed in the office. SOOOOOOOO, basically it's never going to happen. Now, the worst part about this is that I am not sure everyone in the office was aware of what I was told and I believe it was just something that was thrown out there to 'make me happy.' It's not okay to tell people things just to make them happy, it's most important to be honest. If I was told from the beginning that this was the case, I would have been on the lookout for something new a long time ago; I was under the impression this job was flexible, which is very necessary for my life right now.
I had every intention of speaking up about what I was told today, but everything here seems to turn into a 'he said - she said' type deal and I honestly just don't want to get into it. I'm at the point now where I've adopted the 'It is what it is' mentality and I am just going to have to do what I have to do to make it work. I wish I had the guts to really tell someone off, but I don't; frankly, I don't see the point in doing so. I am upset that I have only been here for 5 months and I'm already on the lookout for something new because that doesn't speak well for my work experience and for purposes of my resume, but I'd really hate to leave on angry terms. I've accepted that this is the situation, I will take a deep breath and do what I am supposed to do and wait for a new opportunity to come along.
If you read that, thanks for putting up with it. Now, the positive part.
The easiest way to ward off negativity and get back into a positive frame of mind is to accept situations for what they are. Right now, this is my job. Do I want to up and leave? Absolutely. Is that the best thing for my family? Not at all. So, I will just trust that God will provide a new opportunity to me when the time is right.
Now, trusting God to provide doesn't mean letting Him do all the work. I will have to be actively looking for something; I will have to do my part. So here goes a period of applying for jobs that a million other people are applying for and hoping that I somehow stand out enough to make an employer choose me.
I refuse to let the actions of someone else determine my attitude. I did that in my previous job and it made the last couple of months there pretty miserable. I even loved that job, just not my coworker.
It's really hard to feel like I've failed. Not particularly at this job, but I feel like I've failed my family. I left a good job, a boss and coworkers (for the most part) that respected me, and unbeatable experience because I thought I'd be able to be a better mom/girlfriend by taking a position that required less of me. The phrase that keeps running through my head this week is 'the grass ain't always greener...'
I guess the moral to my story is to accept the situation, choose to have a good attitude about it, and do what you need to do to change it. I plan to do just that.