Friday, September 16, 2011

Trust & Faith.


Now, when I started on this blog journey, I promised myself I wouldn't get too personal; I swore that I wouldn't give too many details of my life because I believe in saving some details for a close few.  Prompted by The Shine Project, I am slightly breaking my promise to myself.

Danielle asked if we ever had our lives planned out a certain way.  Well, yes - and my plans and real life couldn't be more different.  I feel super blessed to be where I am; I have the most supportive family ever (sometimes a little too supportive), I have a man who loves me despite our disagreements and relationship faults, I have a home with a bed to lay in every night, and I have a perfectly healthy baby boy.

While I admit that I am - in some ways - living a pretty dreamy life, I had serious convictions about my life on a regular basis.  You know that song "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage?"  Well, my song is a little different.  Big Steven and I are not married and Little Steven was the most awesome little BIG 'surprise' of all time.  I make many jokes about not being married and frequently reference a wedding that has yet to happen or officially be planned (though I've had that bad boy in the works for like 15+ years.  Groom = minor details).

Like I said, I have convictions about the life I'm living.  I believe everyone's relationship with God is personal and my bond with Him has become incredibly strong since the day I found out I was pregnant.  There have been many tears shed out of fear of disappointing Him and many long talks with Him that ended in me pleading for direction.

Even when I started this blog, I wondered if I should talk about my faith and love for God in the same place I talk about my boyfriend and our son.  I prayed about it a lot and found that leaving either piece of the puzzle out would take away all sincerity that exists in my faith.


The truth is, God's love surpasses any fathomable love in our minds.  In my circumstances right now, my relief is knowing I'm BIG TIME loved.  I never doubted that love, though I'd felt like I'd disappointed God among others in my life, and I didn't care about the societal traditional values; I mostly feared the responses from other Christians - the ones in my life and the ones who know me 'from a distance.'  While I've made a big effort not to judge anyone or their circumstances, I know judgement comes far too easily to many others.  When even they embraced me, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.  And those who don't embrace it only remind me of God's unfailing love.

Trust and faith are constant reminders to me that life is not about being perfect, but remembering that we're forgiven and loved by the One who matters most.  It's knowing God's guidance and will are so good; I don't have to worry.   It's knowing, though it's not visible now, that peace will come in my heart about this situation.  

For now, I pray.  A lot.


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  1. I love this! Even though you know my personal struggles, I do find this kind of comforting, given the last few days.

  2. Sarah, I am glad! It definitely comforts me in some tough times to just give it up to God and go from there. I spend a lot of time worrying about things out of my control.

  3. Wow thank you for that first quote. "Don't be sorry for lost time..."
    I needed that.

  4. It's a good one! I think we all need that :). Thanks for stopping by!

  5. want to apologize when I wrote about your blog on my top picks for the liebster blog award--i didn't realize that you weren't married.( i thought you were) I am sorry if i offended you by that. But you are engaged now! and im so happy for you! :)
    and wow thank you for your compliments. yeh I am addicted to coffee. starbucks has at least a 1-2times a week visitor in me! lol

    1. no offense taken! sometimes i even think we're already married. thank you for being happy! it's such a HUGE moment for us and i am super excited.