cry out to Jesus.

Ever since Steven proposed to me, I've been thinking about our future - naturally.

I don't have a single, teeny weeny doubt about marrying Steven; I know he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I worry about my own little self-sabotage sometimes, though.  I worry about that silly little divorce rate and I worry about the odds.

Truth is, Steven and I have been through a whole bunch together.  Lots of those things I have chosen to keep private and will likely continue to keep them private.

But, we made it.

[circa 2008]

We made it through an accidental pregnancy that not everyone was totally stoked about.

We made it through nearly 7 months of a colicky baby; I'm talking little more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep...for 7 STINKIN' MONTHS!

Not to mention the 9 months of dirty looks I gave him pre-baby.  Seriously, Steven, did you HAVE to breath so loudly?

We made it through ex-girlfriends/ex-boyfriends showing their pretty little heads back up in our lives.

We made it through fights with the other person's family members - physical and verbal.

We made it through a fight that caused us to miss the Cowboys v. Redskins game.  THAT IS HUGE!

We made it through our own personal vices.

Seriously, though, there's very little that can shake us at this point.

When I realized I was pregnant, there was a series of events that occured:

1.  Uncontrollable sobbing.

2.  Visions of my Granny's disappointment.

3.  Told my Step Dad, still sobbing, whose response was "THIS IS AWESOME!!!  Does the pink line mean it's a girl?"

4.  Called my Mama, whose response was "It's gonna be okay, I'm always here for you."

5.  Called Steven, whose response was "So does that mean you're coming back over?!"

6.  Drove back to Steven's house.

7.  Prayed.  For hours and hours and hours.

I'd never felt so close to God and never felt so much forgiveness in all of my life.
You see, some people think that being a Christian means not making mistakes, being perfect, and following all the 'rules.'

Maya Angelou said it best when she said:

"I am not claming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I'm worth it."

Ever since then, God has been kinda whispering for me to be something more.  Those whispers have gotten louder over the last couple of years; I'm not sure if it's because I've chosen to be more and more obedient to Him or because He's straight up yelling, but my heart is longing for more.

I had great plans to make my big debut back at church on Sunday, then was knocked off my feet with whateverthatwas.

So, I thought I'd tune into good 'ol Joel Osteen (who, per my sister's request, I will not be spiritually fed by on a regular basis) and his sermon was about God's voice. 

Wellllllll, isn't that a coincidence?  I've been half-way listening for God's voice for a couple years now!

He was talking about how God always gives us little warnings, little 'signs' if you will, but we have to be open to seeing them.

I know that without God and without obedience to Him, Steven and I will either crumble or go up in flames.

I SUCK at arguing.  I cry, I bring up seemingly moot points, I even *gasp* instigate.

None of these are intentional, but they still occur.

I know that these two subjects - marriage and God - seem totally unrelated to a lot of people and I am probably a little scatter-brained this morning from an occurance on the homefront, but I guess my point is that crying out to God works and God makes things work.

I know that having a baby when I did may not have been what God wanted me to do, but He sure did make it work.  He made it work better than this guy:

If you're still reading, HEY THANKS and color-me-shocked!

And if something in your life feels off, I'll leave you with this: