I'm a survivor...

...barely.

This picture sums up how things have been going for us over here since 12:30am.  Little Steven is horribly sick and hasn't slept longer than 20 minutes at a time since then.

Last night was not one of my best 'mom moments.'  Today is not looking good, either.  I am not at my best when I'm tired and I've slept about 5 hours in two nights.  I actually yelled at my sick, mucous-puking son last night.  Who does that?  Who yells at a toddler who is miserable?

Somehow, I have to get some work done; assuming Stevie stops crying at some point.  Right now he's attached to me and I think he'd go back in my belly given the choice.  I've had my nervous breakdown of the day, so now I'm working on making up for yelling at him.

Why does my son need 4 spoons?  No clue, but they have only added to the misery; every time he drops one, it's pretty much the worst moment of my life.  Not sure why it's up his nose, either, but I'm not really questioning his choices at this point.

I gotta get this child to sleep.

This Kid.

It starts every night.  I tuck him in and leave the room, followed by him crying for Daddy to tuck him in, followed once more by wanting Mommy to come give kisses.  It was cute at first...

You know what else used to be cute?  When he'd wake up when Daddy left so he could sleep with Mommy.  Only he doesn't go back to sleep anymore.  It's "milk, mama" or "tv!"  This morning, it started at 4:30am.  I went in to tuck him back in and find the tag on his blanket, then madness ensued.  So, Daddy did as Daddy does and walked in the room, said "lay down" and the child went back to sleep.  Pardon me, but WTF?  When did I become chopped liver?

Then he woke up again at 5:45 relentless.  I went in there about 3 times from 5:45-7:15 with no luck of getting that child to go back to sleep.  Finally, I just yelled passed the door (as not to torture the child with my presence) for him to lay back down.  I begged, really.  Then he started saying "MOMMY?!  WHERE ARE YOU?!" 

I love this pain in the butt. 

And I died laughing...literally because my throat is significantly worse today, so the laugh was pretty painful.  Feeling pretty grateful today for being able to spread out my working hours so I can try to kick this thing.

Happy day, people!

Confessions of a Real Life Mom.

I will never be a morning person.

I get up when I need to, but I sure don't like it.

If I had it my way, I'd sleep until 9-10am every single day. 

They didn't call me 'Snoozin' Susan' when I was younger for nothing.

I've accepted it.  In fact, I'm embracing my love of sleep; I decided that I will go back to lazy Sundays.  'Lazy' is my least favorite word and I will punch anyone who calls me lazy, but I took a nap while Little Steven was napping on Sunday and I feel so refreshed!  Take THAT morning wake up call!

Maybe the giant bags under my eyes will finally disappear.

Here's hopin'!

Let's focus on the positives, shall we?

I've successfully cut down on my caffiene intake, I work out regularly (brag: 80 min. cycling sesh/800 calories burned/23 mi.  BOOYA), and I have stepped up my game in the clothing department - dare I say I look dang cute?  I dare.

So, now that we've established my single flaw (HA!), finish this sentence...

I will never be...

VLOG! Confessions of a Redskins Fan.

Moody.

{at least I'm wearing one of my favorite dresses!}

Sometimes I have horrible, no good, very bad days. 

I feel sorry for Big Steven.  I am in a horrible mood today and I'm not sure when it's gonna get better.  It didn't start until I had to endure the ridiculous NOVA traffic.  I don't know how anyone, myself included, still lives anywhere near NOVA/MD/DC - it's the worst!  I leave my house at the same time every day; sometimes I'm at work early, sometimes I'm on time, and sometimes - like today - I am 30 minutes late for work!  Not only does this make me look like a total slacker, but the traffic gets me super anxious.

Other small things that have contributed to my mood include no utensils to eat my cereal with, no time for a trip to Starbucks (which, btw, would have shaped me up real fast), and no grades posted by my teachers.  I totes respect teachers, but I feel like they should also have a 'due date' so to speak.  Waiting around for weeks to get a grade is proposterous!

Now that I've successfully complained about things that don't really matter, I am trying to turn the day around.  I feel like I won't be successful at doing so until I get home and work out - but for now, I will try to feel better by consuming things that have zero nutritional value whatsoever:



                       {180 calories of nothingness}



I hope the rest of you have a day full of rainbows, flowers, and smiles!  Nevermind me, I'll snap out of it soon enough.

Confesh Sesh.

Disclaimer:  I completely adore Big Steven.  I just have some questions, that's all :D.

P.S. My expressions are out of control!  Evidently I've been this way my whole life, so I appreciate those of you who still love me.

Confessions of a Real Life Mom.

Confessions of a Real Life Mom.

I don't really know how I've acheived it, but I've become this weird hybrid of emotional and I don't give a s*%$.  I am really working on my cursing, so pardon the middle school censorship.

I go from crying and being really upset to honestly not caring about what previously made me cry.  Maybe this is the natural order of things; you know, I get it all out and then I realize it's just not worth crying over?  ORRRR, maybe I cry more out of being overwhelmed with the other 293148293749 things going on and not really out of sadness?

I don't know why I do it, but it's weird.  Weird and a bit refreshing.  In those moments of hysteria where I am just a blubbering hot mess, I feel a bit helpless, insignificant, and weak.  Therefore, it's a relief when I get over that nonsense and move toward the 'whatever' frame of mind.

Apathy is annoying.  I don't understand apathy, so I'd like to think that's not the equivalent of my 'whatever' phase; instead, I'd like to think of it as more of a conservationalist phase.

Rationalization for the Conservationalist Phase:

Let's call yesterday's annoyance 'Brat' for purposes of this example.  Brat upset me and made me feel a bit invisible, so I wanted to make sure I was, indeed, a living person.  So, I made a lot of banging around in the kitchen because I was worried that I had actually become invisible (another rationalization for my behavior that we can deal with at another time).  Turns out, I was totally visible!  AND audible.

Granted, I am sometimes easily upset, particularly when I'm overwhlemed (which is like 99% of the time), but this is common knowledge to the people in my life.  If Brat knows that I get upset in certain situations, why would said Brat not do what it takes to avoid these situations?

I cried yesterday because I hate fighting with Brat.  More than fighting, I hate feeling like I'm unable to really describe what I'm feeling and, thus, coming off as Brat II.  So, I spend a few hours crying at work (totes classy - good thing no one really notices me there either), blowing my poor nose, and seriously looking a mess until it hits me.  WHO GIVES A FLYING .... ?  If you don't care, I don't care.

And so, I conserve my energy and tears for a later situation in which all parties care.

Completely rational, realistic, and effective.

Until I really get over it, I'll listen to "I Just Wanna Be Mad For a While" on repeat while glaring with this presh face anytime Brat looks at me:


{look of disgust.  total pro.}

 The phase that follows this hideous face is even better!  To be continued...

Confessions of a Real Life Mom.

I let my son get away with stuff because I feel guilty. 



{mama's boy!}

I let him eat in the living room in front of the T.V. when he isn't having a good day.  I do that out of guilt because I only get a small chunk of time with him and I'd rather he be happy when we're together.  I also let him lay in my bed in the morning while I finish getting ready because I feel guilty having to wake him up in the morning to get him ready for the day.  And here's the worst one...I give him his pacie (aka bee-u) pretty much whenever he asks for it. 

Last night was interesting.  Little Steven gets in these moods and because he only knows a few words, it's a guessing game when we (Big Steven and I) are trying to make him happy.  I got to Mrs. L's late yesterday because I had to run to LA Jones' house to get his milk bottles I left there Sunday.  Yes, he has special milk bottles and refuses to drink out of anything else in the morning; in fact, he's thrown a bottle back at me because he didn't like it.  And don't even get me started on warm milk...  When I finally arrived - 30 minutes late - to pick him up, he was crying so hard.  I asked Mrs. L what was wrong and she said he's just been crying since he woke up.  So guess what?  I felt guilty.  I felt guilty that I was late because maybe it threw him off, I felt guilty that I have to take him to daycare every single day, and I felt guilty knowing that I had to go home, make dinner, and do laundry.  I felt guilty for stuff that hadn't even happened yet!

It doesn't end there.  After I made dinner (while Daddy was making him happy), he wanted nothing to do with it.  What kid person doesn't like bacon and noodles?  So, Big Steven took him out of his high chair which mad him even more unhappy.  I gave him his milk, layed him on the couch, gave him his blankies (he has to have both), had a pacie next to him, and turned on cartoons.  We finished eating then he decided he might be hungry.  So, I got a lunchable and he had a fine time eating it out in the living room while watching T.V.  Eating in the living room and watching T.V. during dinner are both things Big Steven and I don't want to allow, but I just felt so dang guilty.  The real cherry on top was when he scraped his little arm by falling outside and coming inside only to fall again on the same arm.  Poor, poor baby.

The rest of the evening was rough because I had to let him cry a bit when I put him down for bed.  He just kept crying "MAMA" for about 5 minutes until I went in and rocked him for a little while.  He cried when I put him back down, but only for a minute and fell sound asleep.

After the traumatic day, I began pedaling away on my bike, crying because I wonder if I'm doing 'okay' as a mom.  I'm not sure how to shake this guilt that I feel all the time, but I'm working on it.

I think I'm letting him get away with too much, which will be a disaster in later years.  Go figure, I feel guilty for letting him do things because I felt guilty.

I am so weird.

{totally wrapped around his finger}

The Thursday Push!

A little different 'Push' today.  Thinking about the Awkward and Awesome stuff in life makes us laugh and remember the good things.

{great blog.}

Sydney's blog is really a fashion forward blog, which is not my forte, but I adore this blog. 

Reasons I recommend her blog to everyone:
- It's honest.  I have come across few blogs that are legitimately passionate blogs, but this one encompasses not only a passion for fashion, but a passion for life and love as well.
- Her clothes = adorbs.  She wears real people clothes, not some crazy mix of things that you see in magazines.  That's not to say that every item of clothing is suited for me personally, but I like that she inspires ideas that are realistic.
- She's pregnant.  I love pregnant people.  Haha.  I know that's weird, but I think pregnancy is so beautiful.  I'm also interested in seeing how she maintains being cute; I, for one, wore a LOT of stretch pants and oversized tops.  I have no doubt she'll be the cutest preg ever.

Now, to the point...

Awkward:

- Folding laundry and noticing that my son, who has an intense love of tags, has a tag in his mouth...attached to my panties.  YES, they were clean, but still very awkward.
- Not only is the glasses/adult braces combo awkward in and of itself, but my glasses slide down frequently, so I have to do that 'finger-push.'  Sexy.
- Trying to remain cheerful at work when you hear 'things.'
- The 'flipper-offer' behind me this A.M.  I can only go as fast as the car in front of me.

Awesome:

- Being able to suck it up and kindly demand a serious time from when I will start working from home.
- Breezing through my Pharmacology online class because I can work as fast as I wanna!
- Knowing that arguments with my love make us stronger.
- My son saying "HI MAMA" every time I re-enter the room.

A little Awkward & Awesome:

- This picture:

Confessions of a Real Life Mom.

Big Steven's statement to me after I got home from this shopping trip:

"Your readers are going to be very disappointed in your shopping the last 2 days."

When I get upset, I compulsively shop.

Yesterday was a frustrating/upsetting day for me.  Thank God for reflection last night and a new day today!  I am a pretty frugal person (obvi), but I seriously have an issue with shopping when I get upset; this is why I stayed broke for many years, haha.  I went into HT for fresh fruit to make a fruit salad and came out with much more...

The damage:

What You See:

1 HT Peanut Butter

2 HT Apricot Preserves

2 Babybel Cheese

4 Lean Pockets

10 Smart Ones

2 Steak-Umms

2 HT Shredded Cheese

1 2.5 lb bag of Frozen Chicken

4 Cream of Chicken Soup

4 5ct Refrigerated Biscuits

6 cans Tuna

1 Xtra Laundry Detergent (totally free for eVIC members)

3 Mueller's Whole Grain Pasta

1 Cantaloupe

4 Apples

1 bag Grapes

1 carton Strawberries

Total OOP: $71.34...OMG!

Total Saved: $60.42 + $15.98 in eVIC coupons

HT apparently doesn't take B1G1 coupons printed online, so I couldn't use the 2 I had for the Lean Pockets.  I still saved a ton using very few coupons and taking advantage of B1G1 deals, but it's the amount of money you spend that counts, not the amount you save.

So, that's the damage of another unplanned shopping trip. 

Confessions of a Real Life Mom.

Ohhhh, hey!

If you know me in real life, you know I get a bit 'preachy' about skin care.  SPF, moisturizing, washing, exfoliating...I am a skin freak.

Yesterday, Big Steven went for a run and 'discovered' a public school playground that's about a mile from our home.  I thought it would be a GREAT idea to go find it myself and grabbed Little Steven, water for the both of us, a snack for him, his sun hat, my cell, and went on my way!  I did not, however, apply sunscreen to myself.  Big mistake...I mean, BIG!  I am fair-skinned to an extreme.  My arm has gotten a bit toasted from my 45 minute drive home before, so this 2 mile (both ways) walk sans SPF was not a good idea.

Not only did I not find the park, but I had to take a contact out on the way home (stupid pollen!) and could literally feel my precious skin  burning.  It was horrible! 



{this doesn't really do the shoulder burn justice, but trust me, it's there}

Basically, I forget things.  I even forget about things that are REALLY important to me.  So, now I am in recovery mode - lots of Aloe/Vitamin E After Sun Lotion (that has the BEST smell ever), lots of water to help rehydrate my skin,  and SPF 100 until it goes away.  Think I'm kidding about the SPF 100?  I'm not.  That's what I use on Little Steve - he'll just have to share this week.

The good news is that I had a great work out  and I know now that the park was just out of sight for me and I'll try to find it again this weekend.

In other confessions, I suck at trying to be a runner.  I've tried out the walk/jog combo on walks with Little Steven multiple times and I just really don't like running.  I know how great it is for my body and I know that it's super heart healthy, but I don't like it.  I love to walk, though, so that's sufficient, right?

I'll keep trying, but I cannot promise I will like it!

Confessions of a Real Life Mom.

Sometimes I neglect my house.  Don't believe me?  Have a looksie:



Little Steven's Room.  It's a giant toy box.

 

Master Bathroom



Master Bedroom.



Guest Bedroom



The Kitch.



Laundry Room.



The Kitch Again.  No, we don't have a dishwasher, but don't tell Steven that; he'll just argue that I'm a fine dishwasher.

 So there.  My house is a mess.  I did muster up some energy to put the dishes away late last night, but that's about as far as I got.